Marriage vows and bedtime.

I’m going to tell you something that no one else tells you about marriage… and having kids.

So if you’re about to reach that stage, you’re in luck!

Or, if you’re in it or been through it, you’ll relate.

You grew up in a home with parents, or parents that had shared custody,

Maybe a step parent,

Maybe just one parent.

But the parent/child relationship was always a thing.

Embedded.

This is normal, typical.

You grow up, find someone to start a family with, to be … parents with.

Now I know there are people in this world that never have children.

This post is not for you.

I’m directing this post at those who followed what they knew.

What everyone around them did, and still do.

Start families.

When you first met your husband, those times were cool, huh?

The flirting.

The dates.

The snuggling.

The butterflies, and the firsts.

Let’s make this exclusive… serious…

We’re ‘together’. we’re ‘dating’.

Now a step further, this isn’t serious enough..

We’re boyfriend and girlfriend.

A little further. I need more commitment…

We’re engaged.

Still not good enough… I need someone that will never leave. And I need you to get up in front of everyone we know (and some we just invited for the gifts… ha!) and say you won’t leave. Never want anyone else, as long as you live. Promise.

We’re married.

Enter the honeymoon phase.

It has a name for a reason, ya know?

Two people, still doing ‘two people things’…

Taking two people trips.

Going to parties and concerts, and dinner for two.

Maybe buying a home, for two.

A cute little sports car, with two doors.

Dreaming, for two.

Picking up after two people in your house, dishes for two.

Laundry for two.

Should we?

A kid.

We’re about the right age. No one is really ever ready, so might as well.

Everyone is asking you if it’s in the plan.

Everyone around you, remember, is following the natural and typical next step in getting more serious.

So you should too right?

Yes.

Mm, the excitement of what’s to come.

Growing a baby. Adding a new Pinterest board to create the dreamiest nursery.

The gender reveal. The baby shower.

The gifts… it’s like an extra birthday! Or Christmas.

Then, she arrives.

She because, well, that’s what happened for me.

Perfect little - insert your perfect popular baby name here.

The honeymoon is over.

But, the marriage isn’t.

It’s sweet actually, you’re still doing life together. But there’s three, not two.

For a while, when the baby isn’t talking and walking, you can still focus on each other.

Things are a little bit stressful, learning how to be a mom or dad isn’t for the weak. It comes with its own set of challenges.

Diapers. Doctor visits and illnesses. Carseats. Keeping the kid alive, objective number one at all times.

This is where you pay attention.

Your focus shifts.

As they get older… your whole life transforms into prioritizing them.

It’s the kid. Soon to be kids, plural.

Then maybe your husband, if you have energy or even want to see another human.

Then you, if at all.

Family. Embedded.

Normal. Typical. Everyone.

The main goal now is to raise good, honest, resilient and happy kids.

Kids’ clothes that you’re constantly buying because they’re constantly growing out of them. Day care and school, relationships with their teachers. Mom play dates. Extracurricular and sports to keep them well-rounded.

The big birthday bashes.

Bedtime.

Oh bedtime.

The sweet moments at the end of the night you see on TV, where mom or dad, or both, are reading quietly to their kids. Snuggled up in bed, in their own rooms… With no shit laying anywhere on the floor.

No water bottles piled up.

Or sheets pulled off, showing the mattress.

No.

Listen.

That’s not bedtime with kids y’all.

They need you for an hour, maybe more… To go to sleep.

Unless you were a crazy schedule, sleep training, by the book, crazy woman.

It’s hours. And crying.

And threatening, stay in your bed or I’ll take your screen time tomorrow!

And guess what?

Sometimes, you give up.

You know you shouldn’t, but you do. Because, after you gave everyone everything you had for the day… you’re tired.

Your evenings looked different, before things got too serious, hm?

The two of you cuddled on the couch.

Sipping a glass of wine.

Staying up late because you wanted to.

Looking into each others eyes, being intimate, spending time together, under the sheets … or laying on his chest.

Everyone follows the path towards family, but they aren’t ready for what’s to come.

They get married and say the vows, but those vows don’t go into detail about bedtime.

No one tells you that you won’t be able to lay on your husband’s chest, let alone touch him in the bed because of the tiny ones that needed sleep… and you gave up.

No one tells you that marriage is forever, but forever and bedtime are almost complete opposites.

I said almost, not always. So the secret is… and I’m clearly a pro 🙃

Sometimes (almost all the time actually) you’ll learn to give yourself, and your marriage, grace.

Try not taking things so serious.

Because well… it didn’t start out that way, did it?