Contentment

I wanted what other people had.

There I said it.

Think I’m a crazy all you want.

But, I found myself wanting what other people had. The social lives I saw on newsfeeds.

The trips I saw our old college friends taking.

The big risk real estate investing many were getting into.

The wardrobes my blog-worthy acquaintances had.

Seriously though. How do they have a different outfit every time they go out in public??

They have to be leaving the tags on and returning those clothes! Or going broke, eh.

Here I was going through the motions.

And there I was dreaming of not being me.

Social media accounts sometimes resemble magazine ads, and I…. am a realist.

So trust that I know, what I’m seeing is likely not real life. Just snapshots of the picture worthy moments. I’m guilty too 🙋🏻‍♀️

Who wants to be on their death bed scrolling their Facebook memories in their cool, high-tech futuristic glasses and see the bad, ugly times? I digress.

Me?

I.

I. Am. Living. Real. Life.

I kind of look .... mousy.

I usually get my hair done maybe once a year and have it cut at great clips.

Most of my wardrobe has come from Goodwill - as well as most of my home decor.

There are dishes from the past week on my counter, also laying on the living room table and by our bedsides.

Crusty pieces of dinner that will break your nail when trying to scrape them off the table.

My kiddos have dirt beneath their nails and stains on their clothes… the knees of their leggings barely holding on to their existence.

Piles of laundry lay in every room, it seems... every corner.

Being blessed... People like to say that don’t they? They throw that word around like the highlight reel on their socials to let everyone know… “hey! I’m doing okay at life over here.”

.

.

My kids and my husband could not love this person more.

But... did I?

I was content.

Is contentedness the same as love?

You’re about to find out.

I got into network marketing. My cousin had started making some motivational type posts, and I thought hmm. What’s gotten into her?

Do you know how long it took me to decide to do this new thing with her?

Not.

It took negative time.

I was sold on all the things I was dreaming it could give me, BEFORE I messaged her that day.

I just needed to know one .... thing... are you being for real? Or is this a sales ploy?

Well, let’s just hit the fast forward button. 4 years into the same network marketing gig, and I’ve learned more about myself and what lights up my fire more than I had in the first 30 years of my life.

Contentedness, in my case, was not love.

Looking back, with grace, I see a girl that had no direction. Who never had a dream, or a voice.

Never cared to think outside the box, or try for anything more.

You see, I was wanting what other people had because I hadn’t yet learned who I was.

And what I wanted.

Learning to love yourself isn’t easy.

It takes time. Possibly, a revolving door of learning for the rest of your life. They say you have to date your spouse, and I say, you have to date yourself first.

But once you get to that point…

once you can finally see that what you have in this moment, is for you, and only you.

That your path, is just your own.

And you break everything else down to what it is, and you’re left with just you.

You’ll see that being content is okay. But love… love is everything.