Coffee in the Shower.

This morning I had my coffee in the shower.

It was my second cup.

But…

It was gonna be one of those days.

You know the kind I mean?

Where you have two days until your kid’s birthday party, and you waited until the last minute to…

do everything.

You’re hating on yourself for not having already done it all.

Should’ve ordered the big gift, and you’re praying Walmart delivers it on time, but it says ‘delivery by 10pm’ the night before the party.

Should’ve started cleaning a month ago.

Because well, winter just ended and you haven’t cleaned your house like a hibernating mama bear.

Missed my alarm, even though I swear I checked to make sure it was set the night before when I was going to bed at 830pm.

Tired from the day, and all the rushing around, running errands all day with a little homeschooled shadow.

My throat is scratchy.

It’s the pollen.

Freaking pollen.

Don’t do this, I don’t have time to feel bad.

Do you do that to yourself, like I do?

Say yes to everything, do everything for everyone, and eventually your body starts to tell you - that’s enough.

‘You’ve got to learn to say no.’

Well, Dr Z, that would be awesome and all.

But first, there are literally things I can’t say no to.

Also, there are things that I need, and if I say no, I’ll be taking from myself.

When I feel there’s almost nothing left to take.

As moms, we’re constantly moving.

Physically and mentally.

I’m living in a constant state of ‘I feel like I’m forgetting something’

But while my hair is over here turning grey, I’m trying to stay mindful that these days are short.

They are only little once.

They’re growing up before my very eyes, and time will not stop for me, or for anyone.

If I say no to going to the next classmate’s birthday party, my daughter will feel left out.

She’ll lose an opportunity to feel part of a friends group,

it’s hard trying to help them fit in.

If I say no to going to the book fair family night, well, I lose the opportunity to do something fun for my kids and be part of the school community.

To meet people and build our village.

That’s what we are right? Amongst so many other things.

Village builders.

If I say no to lunch meetings or networking group outings, there’s major guilt and lost opportunity to grow my businesses… when I need to be doing this full-time really.

If I say no to meeting up with a friend, I’m taking my only time out of the house on my own from myself.

I’m missing that chance to hold onto a good friendship, which is something very important to me.

So what then?

What shall I say no to?

My house being clean?

Spending time with my kids?

Doing anything that I love?

Date nights?

Family time?

You see… saying no is almost always something I feel that I can’t do.

I’m not sure about you, but the opportunity cost is high.

Was it always this way?

Do people that perfect saying no, just let go of things that I find important?

.

.

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Standing under the hot water this morning staring a hole into the needs-to-be-re-grouted-90s-bathroom-tile, not moving…. my mind buzzing with all the things on my to-do list,

it quiets.

I close my eyes.

stop to say a prayer.

I glance over at my coffee mug.

Today will be one of those days.

I am a mother.

And I do it all.